Dear Karen Kaye,

I know I lack confidence and I fear how that will affect my life in the long-term.

Thank you.



Dear Jodie,

Your ability to recognize that you have a lack of self-confidence will ultimately increase your self-confidence. You will benefit by following a step-by-step process. Think of this process as an “onion,” peeling away each layer that gets in the way of your self-confidence. The first step is to admit and approach the cause, which takes courage to do so. Second, address each obstacle one by one until there is little or nothing left to get in your way. The final step is to create a plan of action to follow through. Once you utilize this formula for self-confidence, you will be on your way towards personal growth.

It is important to be aware of how you are in control of both lowering and raising your self-confidence. This will help you create a healthy perspective of yourself long term. The following are some examples of ways we affect our self-confidence on a daily basis:

What lowers self-confidence?

  • Perfectionism and taking on too much
  • Lacking forgiveness of yourself and others
  • Allowing past “failures” to dictate your future
  • Rigidity; unwilling to learn from your experiences

What raises self-confidence?

  • Completing important tasks
  • Having the ability to handle change
  • Believing in yourself as you grow and change
  • Willingness/flexibility
  • Giving up controlling others while learning to own your actions/reactions

Many Thanks.
Karen Kaye, LMHC